The Duality of Motherhood

Motherhood, for me, is like a coin with two sides. One side exposes me, the other refines me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to navigate either well. But motherhood is a journey of learning to embrace both because one side on its own loses the weight and beauty and joy that make up the whole. Motherhood is hard, and it’s rewarding. It exhausts me, and it exhilarates me. It’s humbling, and it’s honorable.

It creates a constant tension between two conflicting truths that are “both, and.”

It overwhelms me with responsibility and fills me with joy as I watch my daughter grow. It exposes every perfection I try to hide behind and roots my identity to the character of Christ. It threatens my sense of control and exercises the practice of my trust.

Sometimes it can be dark and lonely and isolating. And that loneliness produces greater appreciation for people who make time for me. It can wreak havoc on my marital intimacy. And that havoc deepens our love and commitment and sacrifice for each other. It can rob me of my free time. And my lack of time forces me to prioritize what’s most important.  

Motherhood has been a journey of wrestling with grieving that which is no longer and embracing that which is being made new.

I’m the same person and yet my life looks completely different. How do I reconcile both realities? That’s what makes motherhood hard for me. It’s also what makes motherhood beautiful for me.

I’m not the mother I thought I’d be, and yet I’m learning to be the mother my child needs me to be. And I find peace as I lean into the tension of space where “both, and” exist in motherhood.