The Honest Underscore
There's something both beautiful and powerful about musical underscore. Its purpose is to creatively support a storyline and move the observer to feel something. It serves as a lens through which we interpret each scene. Truly effective underscoring supports the story so intricately that you stop seeing it as a separate element and start seeing it as part of the story itself. You can watch the same scene set to two different underscores and have two completely different experiences. Same events. Felt differently. I've often wondered if that's true of how we experience life, too.
Is there an underscore in life that drives how we interpret and react to our experiences?
I couldn't count the times I've left a situation thinking, "That didn't go the way I saw it play out in my mind." In our house we call that Tuesday. Even when end goals are clear and mutually desired, people can walk away from a shared event with conflicting experiences that move them further from the goal instead of closer. Like watching the same sequence of events set to completely different underscores. You're left with damaged relationships, eroded team unity, or dismantled peace at home.
We typically think of decision-making in a simple order: we observe something, then we react. But if that's true, wouldn't a shared experience produce the same reaction across observers? Consider if I baked a loaf of bread and set it before ten people. One person smells it and is reminded of their grandmother. Another sees it and is filled with grief for someone they used to bake it for. A third walks away feeling the need to buy a cookbook to meet some perceived cooking standard. Three completely different reactions to the same loaf of bread. So, was it the bread that caused those reactions? If not, what did?
There must be a missing step. The book Crucial Conversations argues that the step between observation and reaction is a story you tell yourself. A subconscious narrative, unique to each observer, that serves as a lens through which experience is interpreted and drives how we react. Much like musical underscore does to a film.
“There is always an intermediate step because actions themselves can’t and don’t cause emotional reactions. That’s why, when faced with the exact same circumstances, ten people may have ten different emotional responses.”
If that's true, then the stories we tell ourselves explain why two people can share an experience and come to completely different conclusions. Their underscores allow for uniqueness of interpretation. Each story is genuine in that the experience is real to the person living it, even when those stories conflict. Same sequence of events. Two different interpretations.
I've seen this play out enough times to keep asking: How did I get here? We sometimes find ourselves straying from desired outcomes without really knowing why or how to redirect. And though some things happen beyond our control, I can no longer unsee the underscore through which I interpret my experiences and how it shapes my life.
What is the honest underscore driving your decisions?
That question has given me new perspective in my relationships, my work, and the areas of life most important to me. We each have one. At times our underscores may be in sync. Other times they may be in conflict. But our experiences are always underpinned by our stories. My intent is to identify my honest underscore and, in doing so, better understand the narratives that drive my decisions.
